Have you ever wanted to fix someone else’s life? Many of us are great fixers, and as we watch others we can hear ourselves attempting to 'sort them out'. We hear it in our conversations with others and with ourselves: "They shouldn't... Weren't they awful... Did you hear about so and so... In my opinion, they should…" and so on. It’s tantamount to gossip of the most destructive kind.
When we do this, we waste time trying to write the script of other people’s lives and thereby forget to write our own. We have no right: it is none of our business, and any attempt to do so is pointless, maddening and doomed to failure.
So let people be, and don't miss your life by trying to live or write someone else's.
Have you made some time for yourself today – just for you, to sit quietly, refresh yourself and feel renewed? Not escaping to the television, or pounding the streets, or even reading. Just time to sit quietly, focus your thoughts, check your priorities, and make sure there is nothing negative hanging around in your own mind. Take some time and be with yourself.
If you find this difficult, it can often help to have a bit of guidance, and many people are big fans of guided meditation. There are lots of examples online and YouTube is a great place to start. Try starting small, listening to something short and succinct. You can then build up to more when you feel ready. Remember there is no ‘right’ way of doing this. Being mindful is a personal thing – it’s your choice how you do it.
Here's one you might like. I'd love to hear how you get on.
“I’ve never been very good at that.”
“That’s just the way I am and there’s no changing me.”
“I always…” or “I never…”
This is what I call limiting language: pigeon-holing ourselves into small boxes that perhaps, in one sense, explain our behaviour and understanding of ourselves; yet, in another way, can be limiting and fettering. Many of the stock phrases we use to describe ourselves are just plain out-dated. They are old habits that, with constant repetition, continue to be peddled.
How about today you change your old habits and try something different? Instead of “I’ve always done that/been that way”, try instead “I’ll have a go at that and see where it takes me”. A whole new world of novel experiences and feelings await when you ask yourself if the old rules still apply. And if they don’t, where will that lead you? Somewhere exciting, I’m sure!
Are you trying to give something up, cut back or start something new? If so, you’ll know about the effort involved, and how much energy, enthusiasm and will power are needed. When we try to change our behaviour, particularly our health-related behaviour, it’s really important to have the right type of support. This is where your ‘tribe’ can help: having people on your side who can help with new health-related behaviour, who support and encourage you, who help you reach your goals, and who won’t pull you backwards.
Perhaps you’re trying to cut back on something (the usual suspects are wine and chocolate!) or you just want to be a bit more active. Some people around you might try to get you to go back to your old ways: Just one glass won’t hurt… It’s only a small bar of chocolate… Don’t bother going for a walk, it’s boring. If this is the case, think about who you would like around you instead: who is going to remind you of why you wanted to change in the first place? Who is going to congratulate you when you reach your goals? Who is going to listen when you are finding it tough?
Surround yourself with people who want you to stick it out. They are your tribe and they will ultimately help you achieve what you set out to do.
Where to start with the first blog of the year... I was going to try for something maverick and innovative, but then thought that isn't really what well-being is all about to me. There aren't any quick fixes or magic cures. And there is nothing new under the sun: anyone who tries to convince you of the latest 'miracle' in fitness, diet or lifestyle perhaps isn't telling the truth. The truth is that you just have to put in the time and effort to see the changes you want to make, or to maintain what you already do.
So here's a refresher of what well-being is all about: striking a balance, taking care of yourself in all that you do, and doing what works for your mind and body. Nothing outlandish here, just good sense. Perhaps, then, 2017 can be about looking out for yourself.
Here's to a healthy, happy and balanced year ahead!
And if you wanted a reminder about my exercise classes, here's the info:
Hi, I'm Joanna from Clean Well-Being.
|Fitness and well-being provider||
Clean Well-being blog