After a particularly busy-with-work October, I’m now relishing a slightly less frenetic November, and with it comes the recognition of silence again. The modern world can feel loud: constant beeps, pings and other alerts, the chatter and the clatter, and the hum of electrical equipment. It’s why, for so many people, silence is the most sought-after experience. Even Jane Austen was said to have written: "Let us have the luxury of silence."
 
Here's a few ideas of how you might like to carve out some time to experience silence, every day.
 
• Try immersing in the stillness of an early morning, or late at night, with no one else around.
• Aim to still your attention for a few minutes in the middle of your day.
• Process your day and quiet your mind before bed, to aid sleep.

Of course, some might say that you don’t need actual silence to experience peace and quiet, and if that works for you, it’s an added bonus. Focusing on a quiet mind and a still body can manifest the benefits of actual silence, wherever you are, whenever you like.

​This week’s blog offering is all about ego – and just like the word itself, this is a short one.
 
For many people, ego is about being big-headed (“She’s got such a big ego!” when someone is being boastful or pompous).
 
But that’s not the whole story. Ego is present every time we feel any kind of fear, or hear ourselves saying "That's mine!" perhaps when we describe a relationship with someone else, or an area that we work in.
 
But these things can’t be owned. If we detach from things that we might like to think belong to us, we can then get rid of ego and be free from the idea of ownership.
 
If we are truly secure in ourselves (my current favourite phrase) then we can let go of petty ownership and realise there is enough for everyone.

This month, it’s my friend Julia’s turn to take on the guest blog spot. Julia and I met when working in education consultancy and have also run well-being retreats together. 

"I was absolutely delighted to be invited as a Clean Well-Being guest blogger this month. I was poised to write a gentle blog about autumn and daylight. Naturally, after Saturday night’s announcement, cruelly impinging on our Strictly escapism, any blog about mental health takes on a more urgent tone. Protecting our mental health at this time is an absolute necessity in order for any other part of our life to work effectively. 

As a Solution-Focused Hypnotherapist, I use deep relaxation, visualisation and positive language patterns to help clients banish anxiety and develop strong self-esteem. Unlike a talking therapy such as counselling, Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy is fast-acting and forward-thinking, encouraging clients to move into the life they want, without dredging through past experiences to get there. 

I have central tenets to my work, which I’ll share here. They appear painfully obvious, but, as Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy is grounded in neuroscientific understanding of the brain, they really do work! 

1) Get good sleep. Ensure that you are asleep before 11pm in order to benefit from the optimum amount of R.E.M. as your brain processes the days events. Hypnotherapy creates the same effects in the brain as R.E.M. sleep. 

2) Think positively. An anxious brain automatically looks for danger, but there is always good to be found. A daily practice of gratitude also releases feel-good hormones and aids sleep. 

3) Interact with people you like and make you feel good. While many of us are supporting family and friends who are struggling, ensure that you seek out the ‘radiators’ in your life: the people who lift you up. 

4) Make small steps forward in things that matter to you. Priorities have changed and our worlds have been brought into sharper focus. Suddenly, the play you always wanted to write, or finally learning an instrument is a burning necessity. Whatever your commitments, take tiny steps towards achievable goals. These ‘fripperies’ are the things that make life worth living and bring expansive joy into our lives as our world gets physically smaller for the time being.  

Schedule these essentials into your life as you would exercise, nutrition or medication, knowing that they really are the difference between merely surviving and emotionally thriving."

For more from Julia, visit www.oxfordfamilyhypnotherapy.co.uk.

As the clocks went back last weekend, I heard so many comments about how dark it is now in the evenings. So, this week’s blog is about light.
 
When someone lightens up your life just by their presence, it’s a wonderful feeling to bask in that light. When someone is a bit of a downer, there is usually some hidden inner baggage which contains sadness and darkness. Which do you bring to the party? A little light or a little dark? A lot of optimism or a little pessimism?
 
Before the days of flicking a switch to light up a whole town or village, one candle had to be lit by another. If you are aware that you are holding some darkness, it might be useful to spend time with someone whose light is already lit, and stays lit in most situations. Eventually, we may learn the art ourselves, and then act as a candle to others.

I’ve written many times about being busy and how it can take hold of your life, your thoughts and actions. I’ve been in the grip of ‘busy-ness’ so many times, I’ve lost track. And the conclusion I have come to? I have to choose to be less busy. I have to get off the busy-treadmill, the busy-hamster wheel, and decide it’s not for me. The world still turns regardless of how I operate.

Brené Brown sums it up beautifully:
 
“’Crazy-busy’ is a great armor, it’s a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we’re feeling and what we really need can’t catch up with us.”
 
It might not be easy, but I’m trying to stay alongside my life, rather than out in front, so I can catch up with myself. And this means I have to plan well and let some ‘vital’ things pass me by…

What do you think about this?
 
The quickest way to unhappiness is to compare yourself to others.
 
I think this is so true: comparing yourself to others will leave you feeling one of three things – inferior, superior or impressed. All three of these states are tricky because they all disregard the underlying principle of our true connection with each other - mutual love and positive regard, based on independently-generated self-esteem.
 
What to do? Be pleased for someone else and who they are/what they can do, and recognise all that you are/what you can do too. Being grateful for what you are and what you have is a great place to start. And if you must compare yourself to someone, try comparing yourself now to who you used to be – and see how far you have come!

As it’s the first Wednesday of the month, it’s guest blog time. It ties in really nicely with Clean Well-Being’s 8th birthday celebrations, as I’m looking back on all the work I have done over the past years, including working with charities. I have focused on those which have causes that mean a lot to me – from mental health, domestic violence and bereavement to sport, cancer care and the environment.
 
This is where Sport in Mind comes in. I’m currently working with this excellent charity on a couple of supercool projects and wanted to share some of the work they do.
 
With World Mental Health Day 2020 approaching this coming Saturday, I’m handing over the blog reins to a key member of the team from the award-winning Berkshire charity Sport in Mind that delivers sport and physical activity programmes to help aid the recovery of people experiencing mental health problems. 
 
Someone once asked me, “What do you want to do with your life?” And my answer was simple – I want to help people. Today, so many years later, and my mission in life remains the same, but the difference is now I’m in a position to not just help one or two people, as through my work with Sport in Mind I can help and empower thousands of the people experiencing mental health problems each year. 
 
World Mental Health Day on 10th of October is obviously an important day in the calendar for my charity Sport in Mind, but it should be a really important day for all of us because every year at least 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem. Despite the fact millions of us will experience mental health problems this year there’s still a great deal of stigma and misunderstanding about mental illness so it’s really important to talk about how you’re feeling, particularly with life as it is at the moment.
 
Since lockdown, I’ve spoken to so many people who have been struggling mentally and feeling isolated. If there’s anyone reading this who is feeling the same, I just want to let you know you’re not alone, there’s millions of people feeling exactly the same as you so try to connect with friends or family and let them know how you’re feeling. It’s also really important to be active as it’s one of the most effective ways to lift your mood; so many of the people I’ve spoken to during lockdown have been able to improve their mental health by taking part in physical activity regularly. The term physical activity can of course be scary to many of us, but when we talk about physical activity that doesn’t have to mean hardcore fitness workouts or sports sessions, it can be things like going for a walk, dancing in the living room or digging in the garden – anything that will increase your breathing rate. Doing something simple like going for a brisk walk and dancing around the living room really helped my mental health through lockdown.
 
Since Sport in Mind was established in 2010, our charity’s mission has been about providing accessible and supportive sport and physical activity opportunities to improve the lives of people experiencing mental health problems. Our sessions are never about how good you are at sport or how fit you are, they are simply about HAVING FUN and giving people are bit of a break from everything else that's going on in their lives.
 
If you’re interested in Sport in Mind’s work, please contact info@sportinmind.org.
 
And here is a video about Sport in Mind’s new dance session: https://www.dropbox.com/s/caop9doynsab1xp/MUM%20BABY%20TEASER.mp4?dl=0 . 

It's a question that we might not ask ourselves very often, if at all. But it's something that I've been thinking about this week. If it feels good to be me, do I need external stimuli to help me feel better? Surely external stimuli are needed only when it does not feel good to be me.
 
In my work in education, I see this so frequently. Without a strong sense of being 'enough', children grow up to be adults who search for the thing that will make them feel better about themselves, be that constantly buying new stuff, dependence on substances, lack of self-care, or self-destructive behaviour.
 
But what if they didn't need to do that? What if they felt they were enough?
 
Many people think it's too late to change once they have reached adulthood ("That's just the way I am!"). Yet all it takes is having a word with yourself and realising that you are in charge of your mind and you make the decisions, not the other way around – and you are worth looking after. You might discover that you are enough without the external stimuli, and that the world still turns without them in your life.

Have you made some time for yourself today – just for you, to sit quietly, refresh yourself and feel renewed? Not escaping to the television, or pounding the streets, or even reading. Just time to sit quietly, focus your thoughts, check your priorities, and make sure there is nothing negative knocking around in your own mind. Take some time and be with yourself.
​
If you find this difficult, it can often help to have a bit of guidance, and many people are big fans of guided meditation. There are lots of examples online and YouTube is a great place to start. Try starting small, listening to something short and succinct. You can then build up to more when you feel ready. Remember there is no ‘right’ way of doing this. Being mindful is a personal thing – it’s your choice how you do it.  

What’s the most valuable thing you have ever owned?
 
Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, our bodies will always be the most valuable thing in our lives. Imagine if you had to try and piece your own body together, sourcing and paying for each part! It would be astronomically expensive… Without getting into the ethics and possibilities of such a notion, the crux of this blog is (no surprises!) about looking after your body – as it is the most valuable thing you will ever own.
 
So, what is it worth to you? Not monetary, as that’s too tricky to calculate. But in other terms, like reliability or function. If a part of it broke down, how would that ‘cost’ you?
 
And what are you doing to ensure that your body retains its value to you?
 
It’s been said so many times before, by me and countless others: look after your body with good food, sleep, exercise, rest, relaxation and fun to help it stick around for as long as you need it.  
​

I’m hijacking this week’s blog with a reminder about my charity fundraising event being held this Saturday, 12th September, on Zoom. Everyone is welcome to come, and if you can’t make it please do make a donation.

At the Fling, you get to try different types of online fitness class with Katie and me, while raising money for Sport in Mind, an independent multi-award-winning mental health charity based in Reading. Their aim is to improve the lives of people experiencing mental health problems through sport and physical activity. 

You can join in online for as many classes as you like, all from the comfort of your own home!

Donations welcome via www.sportinmind.org/fundraisers/fitness-fling-goes-online.

Sign up here: www.cleanwellbeing.com/charity-fitness-fling.html.  I will then send you the Zoom link. Thanks!

​@brollygoodideas @sportinmind 

​Guest blog time! I know many inspirational people so I’ve asked some of them to write a guest blog. The first one is by my friend and colleague Tessa Venuti Sanderson. She is an extraordinary person and we share so many interests and ideals. Do look her up!
 
“You have all the answers. Ultimately, I really believe this is true. You might need some guidance and signposting along the way, but you can feel when something is good for your body. You’ve probably seen conflicting advice about what the best diet contains. Perhaps you’ve seen information about the latest exercise craze and wonder if it will have the same effect on your body.
 
What I’ve learnt over 16 years of teaching yoga, through completing my MSc in Exercise and Nutrition, and teaching menstrual cycle awareness to women of all ages, is that we are unique. And we change through the course of our lives. We need tailored approaches. I’ve become suspicious of anyone who claims to have the diet or ultimate exercise routine for everyone.
 
The key to supporting your well-being is feeling empowered to change what you’re doing. Information + empowerment to act = transformation.
 
My passion is empowering children and women to be body positive. To listen deeply to what their bodies tell them. I do this through the books I’ve written, including my latest one for pregnant women. Rather than another how-to book on birth, this book aims to support women to fundamentally shift their mindset, to transform the birthing journey and parenthood too.
 
The illustrated children’s books about puberty are for younger readers. They give children a language about their bodies and normalise body talk. This empowers them to speak about what makes them nervous about growing up. And to tell someone if they don’t have the body sovereignty that they have a right to.
 
Well-being is more than skin deep! Cultivating it is a life-long practice.”
 
Tessa’s book Pearls of Birth Wisdom is released on the 5th September. Pre-order it now for a pregnant woman in your life at www.amazon.co.uk/Pearls-Birth-Wisdom-Insights-Practices/dp/0993375189 or buy it direct from me for a signed copy: hello@tessayoga.co.uk. To find out more about Tessa’s work, visit www.cyclicalwisdom.com or follow her on Instagram @tessayogawomanality.

​When someone lightens up your life just by their presence, it’s a wonderful feeling to bask in that light. When someone is a bit of a downer, there is usually some hidden inner baggage which contains sadness and darkness. Which do you bring to the party? A little light or a little dark? A lot of optimism or a little pessimism?

Before the days of flicking a switch to light up a whole town, one candle had to be lit by another. So, if you are aware that you are ‘holding’ some darkness, it might be useful to spend time with someone whose light is already lit, and stays lit in most situations. Eventually, we may learn the art ourselves, and then act as a candle to others.

​Where does your sense of well-being come from? What is ‘at the bottom’, where you can go no further?
 
Well-being is not a peripheral or surface-layer state – it is something that lies right at the root of yourself. It’s made up of your fundamentals. The important thing to know is that well-being does not lie in other people, in things, at the bottom of a bottle or in the promise of future times: it needs to be in the present time.
 
If you have a chance today, spend some time playing around with the idea of what is at the root of your well-being. What are your fundamentals? This might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, because it can challenge our ideas and encourage us to question the status quo.
 
Whatever you ponder, remember that caring for your roots allows for more well-being shoots to thrive. 

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

Isn’t it interesting how your thoughts have a huge impact on your life?

If you always think the same, you will always get to the same place. If you think in a new way, you will find new solutions and ways of doing things.
​
You are in charge of your thoughts and your life and you can adapt to make the changes you would like to see in your world.